


Love Will Tear Us Apart

by dametokillfor



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-23
Updated: 2011-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/186082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FWP. Brian's not in love, he's not insecure and he's not got a monologue which would put Shakespeare to shame running through his damn head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Will Tear Us Apart

This was so much easier, Brian thinks, when it was just about the sex.

When all he thought when he looked at Matt was ‘how long is it til I can get you alone, naked and screaming my name? Ordering optional’.

He would have said that he preferred it when they were just friends, but there were less orgasms then. Brian liked the sex, there were no problems there. There could maybe be more of it, but other than that, Brian was very happy with the sex.

But this new stuff, these _feelings_? Those were not something Brian enjoyed.

Sure he’d done relationships . He’d been in love, composed terrible love songs, shit, one time he’d pulled a John Cusack. (It had resulted in him being arrested for disturbing the peace, but he’d done it!)

Brian was no stranger to love - and great, now Rick Astley is invading his messed up thoughts - but the idea of love in relation to Matt. That was just wrong.

He did love Matt, loved him like he loved all of him friends, would do anything the guy asked, no matter what kind of trouble it got him into. So he did love him, in that strictly platonic way, except for the whole sex thing - which as we’ve already established is great and something that is not an issue in any way.

Of course, the idea of loving him in that other way, that touchy feely, romantic, fluffy, hearts and flowers and unicorns shitting rainbows way, he doesn‘t love him like that. That’s not their relationship, not that there is a relationship, other than their friendship.

It’s not that he looks at Matt and finds himself smiling, just because he’s happy to know this guy, to be a significant part of his life. He doesn’t just smile to himself when Matt catches his eye with that look that’s reserved just for him. He’s just happy on this tour, the kids are responding to them, the music is touching more lives, they’re doing Jimmy’s memory proud. The smiles are simply a by-product of him enjoying himself for the first time in a long time.

It’s not that he wants to gut every single bleached, ironed, teased, tanned, pierced, tattooed, make-up covered whore that tries to get into Matt’s pants each night. Even if he did, it wouldn’t be anything to do with feelings for Matt, short of the feelings which happened below his belt. It was simply looking out for the other man. He didn’t want to see Matt’s first tour as a single man result in burning sensations and potential statutory rape charges - you never know with half the kids.

But then the fact that after they’ve fooled around, neither of them returns to their own bed in the hotel rooms. Even once they’ve cleaned up, they find their way back to the bed where the other is. They don’t cuddle. (They tried one time, alcohol and a need for comfort driving them to do crazy things, they didn’t quite fit together). Instead they’ll lay together, maybe an arm or leg thrown across the other, just for the knowledge they’re still there.

The second bed rarely, if ever, gets used at all. In this economic climate, it would really make more sense for them to simply get one bed in their room, but that could be construed as a little strange.

Then there’s the fact that some nights, they don’t even have sex, don’t go any further than a few kisses, yet still find themselves sleeping together. Just sleeping. They’ll get a spare half day in a city and they’ll spend it just laid in bed together, watching a movie or talking or generally being couple-y. (Of course these times are usually followed by a frantic blowjob in the shower or hand jobs in the bathrooms of the venue.)

Either way, none of it is helping Brian with his whole denial thing.

Not that he’s in denial about his feelings. He acknowledges that there’s something there, he just wants to quash them because they can’t do that.

Brian doesn’t want to fall for Matt. That would mean he’d have to deal with Matt maybe not feeling the same and the whole shit with it being a real thing and then the others would have to know and it’d just be complicated. He doesn’t want that, Brian is not a fan of complications.

He doesn’t want to deal with his asshole friends, who he cares deeply for but are all complete dicks, doesn’t want to deal with explaining to them what happened with him and Matt and can’t they just be together without anyone else having to know?

Not that Brian’s asking Matt to be his boyfriend, because he’s not a 14 year old girl, and Brian doesn’t like the goddamn phrase anyway. It sounds childish and idiotic and the idea of he and Matt being boyfriends is fuckin’ stupid, they’re grown men. If he was going to use a word to describe them, he’d choose partners. It sounds more equal, more mature, less like they should be skipping through fuckin’ fields together and writing shitty poetry in a notepad about how they’re the lights of each others fuckin’ lives.

But Brian’s not asking that, he’s just trying to deal with the goddamn lady feelings that have invaded his head and his heart when it comes to Matt.

He hates that it feels so right being with him because it shouldn’t. Not because they’re two guys, Brian’s over that, Matt’s over that, he’s made peace with the fact he’s sleeping with a guy because Matt’s more than a cock. Not that the cock isn’t fuckin’ amazing, but he’s more than that. No, he hates that it feels so right because Matt’s his best fuckin’ friend and if anything should go wrong, if their spark dies or what the fuck ever, then Brian doesn’t know what he’d do. He doesn’t want to feel things for Matt because he doesn’t ever want to lose the bastard.

And isn’t that just part of the damn problem in itself?

The idea of letting him go, of ending this thing that they have kills him because he doesn’t want to let anyone else touch him. But the idea of carrying it on terrifies him because he doesn’t know what things are going to be like when they’re not touring. Will it still be the same when they’re back in Cali? Will they want to be around each other when they have the chance not to? Will they fuckin’ kill each other?

What if the band suffers because of this? What if the other guys can’t handle the fact they’re together? What if the fans find out? Okay, maybe, like, 2% of their craziest yet most observant fans would be cool with it, another 3% would be pissed at Matt for stealing him away from the big epic fuckin’ love affair that he and Zacky apparently have going on. (He’s seen the fan fiction. After masturbation, Googling himself is his favourite thing to do without strings). But what about the ones who wouldn’t? He doesn’t want to destroy his friends careers because he couldn’t keep it in his pants and he ended up falling for the wrong damn person.

Then what about their dogs…

“Brian, I love you.”

“And Pinkly hates Bel… what?”

Matt takes another step towards him, grips his shoulders and looks him straight in the eye, “I love you, you fuckin’ idiot. Say it back, don’t say it back, feel it, don’t feel it. Just please… shut up.”

“Oh Matt.” Brian smiles, bringing his hands to Matt’s chest, resting his palm over his heart, “I… fuckin’ _knew_ I’d make you say it first.”

He feels Matt’s hands grip tighter at his shoulder, the look on his face turning from adorably exasperated to ‘you are the biggest asshole I’ve ever known’, “Yeah?”

Brian nods, “Oh yeah.”

Matt smirks to himself, knowing that there’s more to his words than that. Brian was fuckin’ spilling his guts, fuckin’ insecure as anything. But Matt’s not about to let Brian knows that he knows.

Instead he leans in, his lips just brushing Brian’s ear, “In that case, you son of a bitch, I’m going to make you fuckin’ _scream it_ first.”

And to Matt’s merit? _He totally fuckin’ does._


End file.
